How I found happiness in a year of darkness, aka 2020.

The most unexpected year of our lives.

I’m an eternal optimist, so as 2020 brought on new challenges that our world literally hasn’t seen in a lifetime, I’m happy that I’m finallyyyy in a place where I’m back focusing on the beautiful moments and growth.

But let’s be real, I wasn’t always in this place. Outside of what the world was going through, the crazy part of 2020 is that most of us fought individual battles (mostly silent) and we were on the battlegrounds for what seemed like forever.

The main takeaway for me was 2020 made us face ourselves and grow. But that isn’t easy.

2020 aside, the past two years had already been challenging for me as I made some tough decisions to walk away from a few close people in my life that were toxic. You can read all the quotes you want on IG saying “dropping toxic people and leveling up,” as if it’s easy, but what people don’t talk about is the grief you can feel when you have to let them go.

Along with that, saying goodbye to toxic friendships and situations may have you questioning yourself.

Why did I stay in this for so long? Why are they treating ME that way – am I too nice? Is there something about me that’s attracting these situations?

Probably, yes. Stepping into our worth, we attract better.

Being the social butterfly that I am, I literally hate losing people I care about. But sometimes you get to the point where enough is enough.

But what I’m most proud of this year is the change I’ve done internally. I’ve been depressed, felt super lost, and just overwhelmed with life and 2020. But I came out stronger. I believe there’s no way to grow without these tough moments! There’s beauty in the darkness.

I’ve faced some other major things this year that I didn’t even know I needed to heal from, but that can be another post sometime.

OH, and I decided to take a year off of dating, which was so crazy but absolutely healing for me.

And after an insane year, I’ve just felt so happy lately and for no apparent reason. I didn’t launch a new business, I didn’t fall in love, I didn’t buy a new car or move into a fancy apartment, I just literally felt happy. Happy to spend time with friends, happy to go to any socially distance event, happy to spend time with my family and know how much they love and care for me.

And even happy alone, watching TV and snuggling with my puppy and waking up to the most insane thunder storm and watching the lightning bolts out my window. Life truly is romantic when you find that inner peace.

I’ve just seen so much beauty in the world recently, despite everything being turned upside down.

But I know it takes work to keep it.

I didn’t do it alone. I’ve cried to multiple people, I’ve shared my stories and started being comfortable talking about what I’ve gone through.

That is thing that we no one tells you – you are stronger when you ask for help, even though we lie to ourselves and say it’s a weakness.

I wanted to share some of this because I know so many have gone through similar things this year. My friends definitely have, all in their own ways. When you are forced to spend so much time with yourself, isolated from the normally of life and even other people, there’s bound to be battles to face and things inside yourself you have to look at.

Whether you are still going through it or have found peace and healing, know it gets better! Keep going. The work on yourself only makes you glow up on the long run and you’ll be so happy that you did.

The real FLEX is happiness and the rest will follow.

xx, Kristen

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